


Never Mind, Just Hug Me

by kangelique



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Married Couple, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-10-14 15:26:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17511119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kangelique/pseuds/kangelique
Summary: Emma experiences motion sickness on the way back to Boston after having attended Ruth Nolan's funeral, and Killian comforts her while she quietly reflects on how life can come to an end in an instant (sorry, couldn't figure out a better summary, but yeah)





	Never Mind, Just Hug Me

**Author's Note:**

> The motion sickness was real, guys, but this was born out of it and my own unexpected three-day getaway. So Alicia, this one goes to you and to everyone else I hope you like it!

**Never Mind, Just Hug Me:**

 

It had been a long drive so far.

 

The news had come unexpectedly. Emma and Killian had been laying on the couch watching Criminal Minds on Netflix in the position they'd both quietly confessed one time was their favorite. She had been contently settled atop his chest, legs tangled up with his, fuzzy socks that she'd bought him last Christmas tickling her with their softness whenever he moved his foot up or stretched a little ( Deliberately being the tease he was and unfazed by her protests to  _Just watch the Goddamn screen, Killian_ instead continuing his innocent ministrations to elicit more giggles that she tried to bite back with her lip ), and head snuggled in between the spot of his neck and shoulder blade. Somewhere in the two and a half hours they'd decided to be lazy, his hand has slipped under her tank top where he rubbed small, gentle circles on her back that soothed her and were slowly coaxing her to sleep. She fought it off though for the sake of finishing this episode before returning to their work lives tomorrow, but Killian being Killian had to go and be sweet by dropping random kisses on her forehead every now and again while he kept his other arm splayed back behind his head, murmuring soft  _shhh's_ because living with the man had made him an expert on everything that made her comfortable.

 

It was so totally unfair and so totally home. That's when her phone had rang, the annoying ringtone that she was hell bent on changing ( but never did ) interrupting the bubble that they never failed to create whenever they were with each other, too lost in each other that she wasn't even sure if they were even paying attention to the show anymore. She wasn't. And Killian was a cuddler -something that had come as a surprise the first time they'd ended up falling asleep together but welcome all the same...in time and some getting used to. Emma Swan hadn't been a big fan of affection but no one would believe that when they saw her and Killian like this- so his arms just had a way of making you forget, too surrounded by his warmth and encircled by his love on that cold, winter day outside. She was definitely too comfortable to move by the third ring, and it was only Killian's  _It could be something important, love_ mumbled against her skin that finally got her snatching up the iphone from the coffee table and answering with an irritated  _Hello?_

 

The irritation melted quickly when David had began speaking hurriedly on the other end, Emma nodding along to everything he said about needing to leave soon and only responding in 'Okay's and 'Yes's while Killian waited patiently behind her, his handsome features twisting in worry when hers morphed into sadness. When she hung up at least 10 minutes later, plans set, and feeling guilty for not having the right words to say to David -who was like a brother really- about Ruth's fallen health -who was like a mother to her- she turned to face Killian and inform him, tears surprisingly pricking up fast when the concern in the eyes of the love of her life stared back at her.

 

_"Emma, love. What is it, what's happened?"_

_"We have to go."_

 

The packing happened in a blur, Criminal Minds still playing in the background as they rushed around the house trying to gather every proper necessity for a three-day trip, maybe a week. Toothbrushes, blouses, pants, underwear, and extra socks being thrown into a backpack they could easily sling over their shoulders rather than carry suitcases, along with calling into their jobs to give them their reasons for their following absences in the next few days or week depending. Killian's intelligence kicked in as always, being the most organized of the two when her panicked mind overtook her senses. As she ran around the room, flinging things behind her shoulder here and there, his arm would wrap around her middle reminding her to  _Breathe, Swan, Breathe,_ and she would almost instantly relax at his touch before she went at it again, but he would always be there with a brush of his lips over her cheek, a steady hand on her arm, and the occasional joke to make her laugh as he was passing by to add two sugars and cream to her coffee cup. 

 

She seriously wondered how she got to be so lucky.

 

Emma was usually more calm level-headed in circumstances like this, but with the situation revolving around someone she considered family, almost like a mother where her real one had been absent all twenty-eight years of her life, she was suddenly a mess and unable to truly focus. That's why she was so grateful to have Killian by her side, her anchor really, hands lanced firmly together as they awaited for David to come down the street, bags at their feet, and a light shower of snow falling onto the bodies of their red and black leather jackets -ever the leather couple. She tugged on his hand to bring his thoughtful gaze down to her when they finally saw the grey Toyota Hylander turn the corner. 

 

_"Are you sure about this, Killian?"_ she'd asked nervously, saying everything she couldn't say in the last two minutes they had before having to load it all into David's car and buckle themselves in for the long 7-hour drive from Boston to Maine.  _Are you sure you want to go? I know I suck at emergencies, I know how much you hate funerals, maybe it's better if you stayed, but I don't want to face this alone._

 

" _I'm fine, love."_ There was a painfulness in the smile that she knew was meant to be reassuring but instead did the opposite, showing all his broken parts like the sun intensely beating down on her and burning her skin to a scorching red. His eyes -normally a bright ocean blue whenever he was with her, full of teasing and laughter and happiness ever since he'd pledged his heart to her two years ago- were dark swimming in memories of his brother, old demons and ghosts wanting to rise up and take advantage but he held on to her just as strongly as she held on for him whenever her past sought home in her walls and reflexes to run and hide came alive again. She reached up and pecked his lips in a comforting gesture, her own silent way of saying thank you,  _for being here, for coming with me,_ even as the drive hadn't even started yet.

 

Killian hated funerals -no, he  _despised_ them with a vengeance. He'd never really talked in detail about the day he was forced to wear black to mourn his one and only brother, but he didn't need to. Emma could see the sadness and drain of anything good every year that May 24 came to pass, and she imagined how worse it had to be when he was only seventeen, feeling alone and a hole left in his already bitter heart, desperately missing the sole person he truly considered family and who he'd truly loved unconditionally,  _arrogant prick and all he was, the stubborn ass,_ as Killian liked to remark sometimes afterwards when the tears for that night had dried and stopped, and he would lay there on the bed with his head on her lap as she carded gentle fingers through his dark hair and quietly listened along to the stories of him and Liam, the adventures they'd planned to have, and the dreams of becoming captain they'd chased since children.

 

A dream Killian had accomplished.

 

Now on their way to the small town hidden up in Maine, Emma wasn't sure if she was headed to say her last goodbye, and she was afraid to hope for the best as the ugly landscape passed by the window in a blur, the unnatural quiet from the usually cheery Mary Margaret, David's wife, setting her on edge the whole ride there. You know all hope is lost when Mary Margaret isn't her rainbows and unicorn stickers, sunshiny self, and it adds to the tension of waiting but somehow in how wrong this is, everyone suddenly deflated where they're the biggest, most annoying optimist in the world -Emma slowly becoming one of those big, annoying optimist in the world when she joined the one family who made her feel loved and cherished and like she belonged so much so that she wasn't even sure what to do with it at first- , it also makes it feel more real.

 

It is real when Ruth takes her final breath on the bed inside the two-story home they'd all shared together once upon a time before David moved out for college and Emma left not long after he did, following him to Boston to recruit herself into the police force and end up settling there permanently when she met Killian and realized maybe marriage was in the cards for her after all. There's a peaceful smile on her face as her eyes close and then never open again, her hand falling from David's cheek, and the one that Emma had been clutching gently going numb in her grip. It's real when they bury her two days later, and if Emma was still the same person she was growing up then she would have hated the world and God for taking away Ruth, but she's not alone this time, David, Mary Margaret, Ruby, Killian, and Granny Lucas all standing with her side by side in the cemetery as they all take turns throwing dirt onto her casket and decorating her grave in colorful tulips, petunias, lilies, daisies, sunflowers, roses, and marigolds -planting something beautiful in the otherwise somber afternoon.

 

It's weird how far she's come, how long it took her to get here, like she finally found where she belongs while they're all crammed up like sardines in David's car and she's experiencing the worst motion sickness in history. All she can think about is  _Goddamn_ as she wills the music pumping through her earbuds at full volume to distract her from the dangerous rolling and unexpected swirls up and down and all around that threaten to send her breakfast flying out with every curve and turn the car takes, swaying her this way and that, and leaving her dazed with a dizziness that probably shows in her sunken expression with the way Killian keeps glancing back at her from the front with those two eyebrows that she always makes a point of putting small kisses on, furrowed.

 

"I'm okay," she mouths, but that's totally a lie and he totally doesn't believe her when it seriously looks like she's about to spill all her insides onto the seat next to her, and poor Ruby is sleeping oblivious to her right about to have a rude awakening. He wiggles his eyebrows and crosses his eyes, and he's such an idiot but he's her idiot so she laughs and crosses her eyes back, and they're so stupid sometimes but where would she be without him? Deprived of some amazing sex that's where. Of course it's not just the sex but Emma always likes to point that out to him in between the giggles that keep getting cut off with all the kisses he's popping all over her face so he'll pull back and grin wickedly, " _Allow me to continue justifying you in that, darling_ " he would purr before suddenly entering her once more and leaving her seeing stars and the best kind of galaxies that they added a whole new meaning to the universe as cheesy as that sounded, but when he ravished her like that it was hard to find words, hard to even speak because the bastard just had a way of leaving her speechless and so completely sated, and he knew it damn well too. 

 

Maybe a little too well, but whatever. You could always count on Emma responding in kind and with a few tricks up her sleeve just because they both had intense competitive streaks and one upping the other was in round 1, round 2, round 3. Imagining them at carnivals was scary, Mary Margaret had said so once, and Emma and Killian just smirked because it was why their second date had been such a colossal disaster and why they would never speak to their future children about it.

 

"Scoot over, love."

 

"Mm, what are you doing?" she basically slurred with the way her voice cracked with disuse from all her efforts in trying to reign in her heavy need to vomit, muscles aching from exhaustion as she did as he requested. He passed her a water bottle as he climbed in and she took it eagerly, the fresh liquid helping in subsiding the disgusting feeling of her grilled cheeses about to make a grand reappearance. Blinking twice, she realized they'd come to a halt at a gas station and Emma sighed in relief, thinking that if this was how pregnant women felt then maybe her and Killian could hold off for a while because no way did this encourage her to start making babies with him yet.  _Yet._ She impatiently gestured for him to close the door just as Mary Margaret settled herself in the front seat, a shiver possessing over her stiff body when the harsh wind and flurries of snowflakes seeped in. "Never mind, just hug me," she mumbled as she crawled the short distance to sit on his lap and curl herself up into his heat, her arms immediately slipping around his neck while one of his supported her back and one hand remained on her hip to keep her from falling over.

 

A hand cupped her cheek, his thumb gliding over the cheekbone as he whispered, "You're too pale, darling," and then moved to tilt her chin up with his thumb and index finger so she could breathe easy now that the car had stopped moving. 

 

She smiled weakly, the sharp pains in her stomach barely beginning to fade away the more they continued to stay there, still and unmoving except for the burrowing of her face into his neck to soak in the scent of leather, coffee, the always lingering smell of salt water on his skin, and everything that just screamed out  _Killian_ to her with clothes or no clothes playing as a barrier between them. "Wonderful observation, Dr. Phil, what more can you tell?" she pulled back to raise an eyebrow, daring him to say it.

 

The appearing smirk told her  _I love a challenge,_ and maybe he wasn't the only one who loved a challenge because they'd been challenging each other since they'd met. Two stubborn people crashing together in the actual and LITERAL blue because it had been storming like a bitch that day, and if you thought their first meeting was from the makings of a romantic freaking comedy then just wait ti'll you hear about the first kiss in the rain, pouring cats and dogs in the falling whatever buckets or however the phrase went, blowing wind and droplets that felt like pebbles against their skin when she grabbed the lapels of his coat and demanded to just  _KISS ME, Jones!,_ the fight they'd been having earlier forgotten when their tongues danced, fingers gripped her hair, and an arm slammed her into his chest to pull her impossibly closer and give her everything he got. They might as well have been making out and doing heartfelt declarations in the middle of a flood for all the drama they displayed on a sidewalk, making it seem like they were about to be drowned by an ocean but really she was just drowning in him. 

 

He squeezed her side and she jumped. "That you should't have eaten those three grilled sandwiches before we left because nobody wants to have Emma's favorite food spilled all over their nice, polished shoes, and Dave's expensive carpeting."

 

"Uh, and  _who's_ supposed to be keeping track of my nutrients?"

 

"I do hope you don't mean me, love."

 

Her eyes widened accusingly and she slapped his chest, "Oh my god, Killian, you're the one who's been hiding my poptarts!"

 

"It took you this long and we live together."

 

"Remind me again why I married you?"

 

"Because I bought you a pretty diamond ring."

 

"It is a pretty diamond ring," she mused, holding her hand up to let the ring catch the light.

 

"And," he smirked. "I keep track of your nutrients and your doctor thanks me for it."

 

"There on that top shelf I bet..."

 

Ruby snorted, "You two are like kids."

 

Both their attention snapped to her, eyes still closed. "I thought you were asleep," Emma questioned.

 

"You're fighting about groceries, once in a lifetime opportunity, what everyone wants to hear," she mumbled back in reply and Emma stuck out her tongue like the woman she was. Killian chuckled and pecked her lips, glad that the color had returned to her regular hue and that they'd managed to bring some lightness to the otherwise heavy air they'd been driving in, all stuck in their own memories of haunting loss and crept up death.

 

"Ruby, lass, you'll be my witness, won't you? The beautiful miss Emma Swan has just experienced car sickness and she's STILL trying to figure out where I hid those poptarts, can you imagine what it takes to get her out of the food aisle in Walmart?"

 

"Gotta admit, he knows how to charm'em," Granny quipped from the back, knowing smile in place and amusement dancing in her eyes, and always acting like she was in on Emma and Killian's secret from the way she looked between the two of them, exactly how when they'd first walked into her diner for lunch and she'd probably seen they were in love and decided it was going to be forever before Killian even got around to proposing and to Emma yelling 'YES!' without hesitation and throwing herself into his arms to practically squeeze the life out of him before they even got to the altar and give him the most breathtaking of kisses.

 

"A girl's gotta eat," Emma laughed and he gazed down at her warmly, knuckles caressing her face carefully like when he had first touched her skin and proceeded to make love to her with the most delicate and slowest of holdings, his every movement fueled by a passion and desire they'd both reigned in for too long and that now spilled like a river onto their sheets.

 

"Aye, she does," he traced her smile, lost in her for a moment as Emma smiled up at him, and was this truly real? Was this truly hers? It was. "and she will."

 

"Killian, you better not drop her," David joked when they got back on the road and hit a bump, Emma scrambling like a monkey to hold onto him while his arms reflexively tightened around her, telling her with just action that it was alright, she was safe, she could asleep.

 

She waited a few minutes for the motion sickness to come, but it didn't. And in their embrace she realized that this loss made them stronger, made them love harder for all the people who hadn't gotten a chance to love at all, become appreciative for all the moments that were gone in an instant save for her memory or captured in the photographs Killian had hanging and scattered around the walls of their house that she often always complained about because she wasn't a fan of pictures. But she understood Killian and his need to remember. In his heart Liam was alive and bursting with color in the years Killian had lived his life in black and grey, just like how Ruth would live on in her heart and David's because a mother's love could never die. 

 

It was going to hurt for a lifetime, but they wouldn't be alone and that's what mattered. It was like getting home from a bad day that made you start thinking it was a bad life, bad career, bad choice, but falling into bed with Killian and saying "Never mind, just hug me" because in his warmth she found hope, blankets of comfort, and a cocoon of peace when her mind ran wild. In his arms she was home. And that was enough, all she ever wanted. She'd been too afraid to have it, have it be a cruel illusion where many had disappointed her, abandoned her, and made her regret wearing her heart on her sleeve. Until he had come along and made her see differently because he held the bruised and fragile thing like it was the most precious and beautifully broken organ he would ever have the honor of protecting where she had only seen the ugly pieces. 

 

Somehow two damaged souls had found their way to each other, and for the first time Emma could see a clarity and a reason for all the pain and the girl she used to be. It had been worth it. Necessary even, to get her to now. So Emma could move on and let go without forgetting the good in all the horrible. 

 

She would live, and it was going to be the best damn thing.

 


End file.
